We all experience it, although some much more deeply than others.
Disappointment in an event, customer service, or a product (infomercial much?) is common, but usually easy to move past. It’s disappointment in people that seems to be the most challenging. Sometimes it’s not so easy to move past, especially if said people are near and dear to you.
Baring an unforeseen disaster, making soap is rarely disappointing. The end product may not come out just as I had intended, but it usually comes out pretty good, and smells really good. I just happen to love an aesthetically pleasing, useful item. The fact that it’s actually good for your skin is paramount – but that’s just me.
It’s taken me 48 years of being alive to realize that we create our own disappointments.
We create it with with every expectation. Expectations which stem from our own perspectives and belief systems. Everyone holds different perceptions and belief systems, though, and therein lies the rub.
I know exactly how I’d like my husband, my friend or my mom to react when I tell her something of earth-shattering importance to me. But she has her own To-Do list. Her own priorities. Her own looming worries that are very different from my worries.
When it’s her turn, I can lend a listening ear. I am pretty good at being present, but always need to work on it. Who doesn’t? At least I am aware of it. A friend of mine once referred to it as ‘radical presence’, and although that sounds a little frightening, I know what he meant. I understood his intention, and his intention was good.
We can be present, even offer someone our best advice; but we will never have exactly the same thoughts and feelings. If my friend holds certain expectations of my response, it sets her up for her disappointment in me.
I will probably rarely know what weighs most worrisome in her mind, at any given moment. I will most likely come up short with comforting words to offer, but I’ve learned to give credence to intention. Intention counts for a lot with me, lately. I hope she see’s through my inadequacy’s and will credit my intention, as well.
I’ve had a couple weeks of one disappointment after another, but I’m dealing.
Really, it’s not you, it’s me.